Deciding to write a book is a massive leap of faith. Like choosing to jump off of a mile high cliff…naked. It looks a lot like excitement and confidence dancing with waves of fear filled nausea every 5 minutes. A rollercoaster of, “I’m killing it” to “I’m an idiot.” Let’s be clear; I have no idea what I am doing. Nope, not even a little. It’s the blind leading the blind over here, and there’s no turning back, the word is out. I made a post, and in 2 days the world will know.
God told me to write a book.
That pretty much covers it.
I’m exceedingly aware that telling the world you are writing a book because God told you to, pretty much opens the gates to people slapping a big sticker on your head reading,
“She’s full-on COO COO KA CHOO.” Crazy.
If you have visions of God speaking to me through burning bushes, or angels on high, you’ll be very disappointed. That’s not quite how it went down.
For me, God is in the whispers; He is a subtle voice with gentle nudges guiding me. A feeling. You know it’s God but not necessarily because he TOLD YOU from a burning bush. Sometimes a whisper, sometimes, it’s just silence. And other times, when I do hear him, I pretend I don’t. Like sticking my fingers in my ears and saying “I can’t hear you.. la la la la”. But almost always, when I pray for big things, I ask this…
“God, I need that answer loud and clear. Like a large flashing Vegas sign. Not a soft whisper or voice, I mean LOUD AND CLEAR, please. You made me, you know me.”
Be careful what you pray for, he just might answer it.
On November 4th, 2017 at 12:30 am God was loud and clear.
I woke up, couldn’t sleep. I was lying in bed, eyes closed, with my mind racing. All of my big thinking happens, in the middle of the night, half awake. I make long, detailed lists, have profound, pondering thoughts and genius ideas…that I usually forget by morning.
I wonder if I should paint that chair? I bet I could refinish the kitchen cabinets myself. Craig needs to call the Dr. about his shoulder. Why is he so stubborn about going to a doctor? Is that a guy thing? I bet I’ll need power tools to refinish that cabinet. OH! Like a paint gun…yeah, that’ll be awesome! I wonder if they are on sale? I bet it will be on Black Friday. I love the deals. I hate the lines. I hate those crowds. I hate crowds…I like to be alone; I recharge alone.
Then a voice in my head said,
“Dawn’ you are going to write a book.”
I saw the words Unstoppable and then, the word Joy. It was clear that it was to be called Unstoppable Joy.
And then I started to argue. Cause, you know, makes total sense to argue with God when he is telling you to do something.
“I can’t write a book; I even hate to read books.” Does he even know me?
“You are going to write a book; it will be called Unstoppable Joy.”
I giggled. Wrong girl buddy.
“I really can’t write a book; I’m busy. I’m redecorating.”
“You are going to write a book; you will tell all of the stories of losing a child, divorce, rape, cancer, your mom, Kim. You will tell all of the stories, but with humor and remind people that so much joy can come from pain.”
“I can’t write a book.” I don’t think He is hearing me.
“Here are some of the chapters…” the ideas were flying through my mind, I saw story after story coming together.
“Write them down Dawn.”
“God, no. I’m tired.”
“Write them down Dawn” was repeated over and over and over in my head until I finally said
“FINE! I will write them down…but I’m REALLY tired.”
I grabbed my phone, opened the notes app and started to write them down.
“Now can I go to sleep?”
“No, I have another chapter, write it down.”
I laughed.
“I’m tired, can I please go to sleep?”
You know the drill, write it down, write it down, write it down.
Our “talk” continued until 3:30 am. Some parts were crystal clear, and others were just sprinkles of ideas. It was big picture visions for years to come with small dashes of detailed, emotional, moments in my life. It was incredible…but all I wanted to do was go to sleep. And so I did.
In 2 days the world will know. I will be raw and real, and we will take this journey together. I know that I have been called to do this. It might sound crazy, and I’m ok with that. I don’t know what’s ahead, or what it will look like, but I know this, I have a darn good (kinda bossy) partner. God.